So, my plan was to answer this later, but as I sat here staring at my document, all I could think about was your ask =).

What you feel is actually pretty normal when confronted with these issues when you don’t quite understand the reasons - so I actually want to say thanks for asking me. Being curious enough to find the answers and gain understanding is awesome, and it shows maturity.

(be prepared, long answer).

My biggest problem is not knowing what you see as not being a huge deal, so I am going to focus on my three main areas of feminism AS an academic feminist, and you can feel free to ask more questions if you feel like I didn’t quite answer. For the most part the over-arching theme is this - in the society we live in, there isn’t a lot of equality, and jokes can often serve to re-enforce destructive ideology (see, rape jokes, sandwich jokes, jokes about peoples appearance). The biggest problem with this is, apart from continuing to marginalise women and other minorities, it actually works at a disservice to men.

You and I BOTH know that not all men are rapists, right? But when someone makes a rape joke, and you laugh or in some other way affirm there was nothing wrong with that, it actually confirms someone ELSE’S belief that all men are rapists (usually, rapists themselves). So, basically, you as a guy are now (in the mind of these people) one of the club, and also affirming their behaviour (lets not even consider the ramifications if you laugh AS A GIRL). You have been reduced to a mere animal who is incapable of controlling his own instincts and humanity. Now, see… I just happen to think you and all dudes are better than that. The flip side of rape jokes and rape culture is that these jokes can be triggering to those who have endured sexual assault of any kind. PTSD is a real thing for rape victims. Here are some stats. one in 20 men have admitted to rape in anonymous questionnaires. Something like 1 in 4 women have been raped, and 3-5% of men have admitted to being raped(by either women or men), and the number is probably much higher as - like with women - so few report it because our patriarchal culture tells us that if you are raped as a man, you are no better than a woman. disgusting on all levels. This suggests most rapists offend more than once and ARE NOT CAUGHT, but their actions ARE DEFENDED OR APOLOGISED FOR by CULTURE!. so rape “jokes” have a two-fold thing here 1. they tell us its ok to rape because its not a big deal, and reduce men to animals while dehumanising women. 2. they trigger victims, who as it stands will probably never ever ever see their offender brought to justice.

In response the the gifset I posted earlier, I don’t know where you are in the world, but i am an aussie, and our prime minister is a woman. If you are an Aussie, or have your finger on the pulse of world politics (because I know this story has actually been reported quite widely), You may know that in a liberal party fundraiser dinner, organiser Mal Brough’s menu reduced our Prime Minister to “small breasts, large thighs, and a red box”. It should be noted that Former prime minister kevin rudd who was ousted by PM gillard also appeared on the menu, but the reference was political, and in no way about his physical appearance. Lets forget the fact that the PM was dehumanised for a second, and think about the fact that by being reduced to body parts, sectioned up on a menu, that this room largely full of middle aged white Liberal party backers WERE GOING TO EAT THIS MENU ITEM. They were devouring a woman in power who has been reduced to the sum of her body parts. What a metaphor!!!! Even better, just this last week, the PM was asked in a radio interview if her partner was actually GAY. Could you imagine this question being asked of the partner of ANY MALE IN POWER?(lets not even get into why someones sexuality matters in the first place). PM Gillard has been routinely criticised on her appearance, lack of children, lack of wedding band, etc. Her haircuts, outfits, and glasses grace the front page more than her policies do - which sucks, because it leads people to think that she is literally sitting in her PMs office doing naught but reading woman’s weekly all day. Her biggest problem is she is too humble and never really takes the time to tell us what amazing shit she actually has done, so the opposition rail road her, and her time in politics has been reduced to her appearance and disgusting criticism. There has always been issues with women in positions of power (Margaret thatcher, hillary clinton, condaleeza rice etc), and this is all re-enforced by how we see women in power portrayed in mainstream media. There are so many reasons in that to get angry, you know? Like… what does gender have to do with who can do the job right? absolutely nothing. If a dude is afraid of a woman in power, that says a lot about the way he has been socialised - to not respect people regardless of their gender/ sexuality/ race etc.

If we then segue into female representations in media, we often see women marginalised into this weird damsel in distress, weak, emotional, flowery category. which means, by default guys are reduced to being robot alphas capable only of beating their chest and asserting their power and dominance. Which is unfair, because most of the best men I know (despite also being feminists!!!) are caring, loving, nurturing, and sensitive individuals with a lust for life and insatiable curiosity, and it sucks to see them told that these qualities make them less than men. But, lets look back to women, who are routinely reduced to pieces of meat, dehumanised by “it” identifiers, made to feel as if always on display, told they are too fat, too skinny, too black, too white, too asian, too goth, too slutty, too pure, too hot, too ugly, too sexual, not sexual enough and the list just goes on. When jokes are made regarding these things, all it does is normalise these beliefs, and allow these damaging conversations to continue to be carried out.

and all of this is without even considering the erasure of race, sexuality, and other genders…

xx

This great article also just showed up on my newsfeed courtesy of a beautiful friend.